Wishing Pearl Page 24

  “Who you trying to look good for, little lady?” Kira’s voice oozed poison.

  Little lady? Who did Kira think she was? Olivia kicked up her speed in a fury-induced adrenaline boost.

  “Not going to talk to me?” Kira walked right in front of the machine and got as close as she could. “Still going to try to ignore me?”

  Olivia punched up her speed. Don’t fall for it. Don’t give her the pleasure.

  Ju-Ju stood up from her chair across the room and took a step toward Olivia.

  Olivia caught her eye and shook her head slightly. All she needed was a gang fight in the game room. Not going to happen. She could handle Kira all by herself.

  “It’s no use, you know. He’s in love with me.” Kira winked.

  Her hands on the grips, Olivia hopped up and placed one foot on each side of the speeding belt. She leaned forward and peered down over the treadmill at Kira. “If you really believe that, then I feel sorry for you.” She held Kira’s gaze for a moment then jumped back on, notched the speed up a tad more, and put in her earphones.

  Kira lifted her camera, pressed a few buttons, and then turned the display screen toward Olivia.

  Olivia’s shoe caught on the edge of the treadmill platform, and she fumbled to grab on to the handrails to keep herself from falling flat on her face and then being thrown off the machine by the moving belt. She ripped the earphones from her ears and grabbed the camera for a closer look. Her jaw dropped at the close-up image of Justin in the woods lifting her cigarette to his lips with Olivia looking on. In the picture it appeared that Justin was enjoying a cigarette—not at all depicting what really happened. “Where did you get this?” A drop of sweat fell onto the display.

  “You know where I got it. And in case you get any idea of erasing it, I have copies.”

  “What are you trying to pull?”

  “I don’t have to try to pull anything. You and Justin handed me all I needed on a silver platter. With evidence. I’m just waiting for the perfect time to use it.”

  Olivia stared into Kira’s eyes. They were cold. Dead. “What do you want from me?”

  “Ideally, I’d like you gone. But I’ll settle for you leaving Justin alone. Completely.”

  “Or?”

  “Or else.”

  “Ready when you are.” Justin leaned back against his family’s white Ford sedan, looking like he belonged on a billboard. He blew away a lock of long wavy brown hair covering one eye.

  “We’re just waiting for Tricia. Where’s the van?” Olivia acted casual, like her heart wasn’t racing and her hands weren’t trembling as she pulled her legs into the car and laid her oboe beside her.

  Justin closed the door for her then climbed into the driver’s seat. “Dad thought I should save on gas by not taking the beast down the mountain to school so often just so we could use it.”

  We? A bolt of electricity shot from her toes to the top of her head.

  Olivia checked her watch. What could be keeping Tricia? There wasn’t much she could have been doing while Olivia practiced.

  They waited in silence for a few minutes before Justin cleared his throat. “So, I have an idea. A sort of proposition.” He glanced at her.

  He’s proposing already? Olivia wanted to giggle at her silly thought that fizzled just as quickly as it ignited. He wouldn’t be proposing anything if he found out about Kira’s picture. In fact, Olivia probably shouldn’t even be talking to him. “I’m all ears.”

  “I saw you onstage on Sunday.” He fidgeted and turned the heat up then down a little.

  Was he nervous? “Yeah …?”

  “So, I’ve been thinking.” Justin cleared his throat again. “How about we put together a duet for Easter?”

  “A duet?” Olivia scoffed and waved her hand at him. “You’ve obviously never heard me sing.”

  “No, no. Just hear me out. It would be so cool. We’ll do one of my favorite songs ever. ‘It Is Well.’ I’ll sing the first verse a cappella while you sign.” His nervousness fading, he talked quickly, his excitement mounting. “You’ll play the second verse on the oboe while I sign—you’ll have to teach me the sign language though. Then we’ll rotate again for the third and fourth verses.”

  Olivia bit her lip. Would that work? They’d have to practice a lot. That would mean even more time together. Would Ben go for that? What would Kira do? It might push her over the edge. And she had that picture to hang over Olivia’s head.

  “Liv?” Justin peered at her.

  Ugh. Another belly flop. Why did he have to call her that? So familiar—like he knew her well. Or wanted to. It just made her like him more. Just as he was slipping from her grasp forever. She had to cut him loose or he’d wind up in trouble—the last thing she wanted.

  “What are you thinking?” He held his breath. Was he afraid she might shoot him down?

  Like that would ever happen if she weren’t being forced. “I’m just trying to get a feel for how it would work—how it would go over with people.” Kira, mainly.

  “You know, I’ve been singing and performing for a long time. I think it would be really cool—different. They always look for something special for days like Easter. It will be televised, too—not that that’s the reason to do it. But still.”

  Olivia nodded. Say no. Say no. “If you think we should do it, I’m up for it. I do have an idea to make it even cooler though.” Why couldn’t she just say no to him?

  His eyes brightened. “You do? What is it?”

  “What if we bring Tricia in on it with her flute? That way there would be music playing the whole way through.” And Kira might not get so jealous.

  Justin grinned. “That’s an awesome idea. Do you think she’d do it?”

  “That’s going to be the problem. She’s really shy. It’ll take some convincing, that’s for sure.”

  “Well, I hope you can pull it off. That way there wouldn’t be any issue about us being alone to practice either.”

  Us. How could one little word send such warmth coursing through her veins? “I’ll do my best. Oh, here comes Tricia now.”

  Tricia opened the door and tucked her long legs into the backseat. “Hey, guys. Sorry I’m late. Had to use the restroom. You ready?”

  “Yep.” Olivia glanced at Justin and then turned to face almost backward in her seat. “Trish, we need you to do something. Promise me you will?”

  “Oh no. I’m not falling for that. You’re going to have to tell me what I’m getting myself into.”

  Olivia explained Justin’s idea while Tricia shook her head the entire time. “No way. I can’t get up onstage in front of all those people.” She crossed her bony arms.

  “You have to do it. It’s going to be so cool.” Olivia stuck out her bottom lip. “Please?”

  Justin flashed a pearly smile toward the back. “I’m afraid we can’t take no for an answer. I’m really sorry, but the situation is completely out of my hands.”

  “All right, all right. I’ll do it since I still have time to lose a few pounds.” Tricia laughed and waggled a finger at Justin. “I get it now. You get your way all the time because of that irresistible charm of yours.”

  Tell me about it.

  “Ju? Can we talk before the others come back?” Olivia put her open book facedown on her bed. Tricia was at her counseling session—much needed after agreeing to do the song with Justin and Olivia—and Skye was in the shower.

  Ju-Ju knitted her eyebrows in concern. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. I just wondered about something.” Olivia chewed on her bottom lip. How to start such a topic? “You said some things that led me to believe that you had an abortion. Is that true?”

  Ju-Ju turned her face away and nodded. “Only Tammy and Ben know. It was two abortions, actually.”

  “Oh, Ju. I’m so sorry.” Olivia’s eyes welled up with unshed tears. “Are you okay?”

  “Honestly?”

  Olivia nodded.

  “No. I’ll never be okay with thos
e decisions. Never.” Ju-Ju’s voice caught as she struggled to keep it together. “I mean, sure. Time heals all wounds, and God’s grace is enough—I know He forgave me a long time ago. It’s forgiving myself that I’m having a hard time doing.”

  Should she speak? Reach out a hand to touch Ju-Ju? Just let her talk? Olivia had no idea what to do. So she waited.

  “I never thought I’d feel this way.” Ju-Ju shook her head. “To me, it seemed like the easy way out of a very difficult situation. I mean, what was I going to do with a baby at fourteen? Then fifteen? Impossible.” She fingered the fringe on her pillow. “Turns out, it wasn’t the easy way out at all.” The tears started to flow. “It would have been easier to give my babies life and know they were healthy, growing, and happy than it is to live with the knowledge that I … didn’t. And not a day goes by that I don’t feel the guilt and think of who they might have been.”

  “Oh, Ju. I don’t know what to say.”

  “Why do you ask? Did you …?” Ju-Ju gazed with sympathetic eyes.

  “No. I never had to.” Olivia sighed. “But I planned to if it came up. If I had to.”

  “You had a boyfriend?”

  “No.” Olivia shook her head and whispered, “Stepfather.” She lifted her eyes.

  Ju-Ju nodded and held her gaze. “I’m glad you never had to make that decision. Sounds like you have enough baggage to deal with. Something to be thankful for in the middle of all the garbage, huh?”

  “Yeah. I guess that’s one way to look at it.” Olivia looked away. “Ju?”

  “Hmm?”

  “How do you move on from your past?”

  “One day, one hour, one moment at a time. I have to constantly remember that part of God’s grace is that He asks me to forgive myself. If I don’t, then I’m kind of wasting His forgiveness of me. Does that make sense?”

  “I guess.” Olivia shrugged. “No. It doesn’t, actually. I mean, what am I supposed to forgive myself for? Not stopping Jordyn from driving that night? Not making my daddy put on his seat belt? Hating my stepfather?”

  “In your case, you just need to feel the love of a true Father. God wants to be your Daddy.”

  “What if I can’t get over it all? What if I can’t let go? What if I never find God?”

  Ju-Ju grinned. “Not an option. You will.”

  “But how do you know I will?”

  “Your Daddy doesn’t break His promises. You’ll see.”

  Chapter 27

  How much do you remember of the crash?” Tammy banged her hands together in the sign for car accident. “I was only seven, but I remember every moment. Every heartbeat. Every breath.” Olivia peered through the blinds on Tammy’s office window then looked back at her so she could read Olivia’s lips. “Those visions are with me all the time. I wish I could forget.” She swiped her hand across her forehead. “Which of your memories stick out to you the most?”

  “I remember thinking that I had warm glue on my hand. Turns out it was Daddy’s blood.” Olivia shuddered. “It felt sticky, so I thought it was glue—like when a little kid puts Elmer’s on her hand and rubs her fingers together. When they shined the light in the car, I saw what it was. I can’t get the picture of my hand covered with his blood out of my head no matter how hard I try.”

  “What were you thinking at that moment?” Tammy moved her finger in a circle beside her head.

  Olivia shook her head. “I heard myself screaming, but my mind went blank. I overheard someone say I was in shock.” Tammy nodded. “What else do you remember?”

  “Daddy prayed as the car was rolling.” Olivia put her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking. “Why didn’t God listen?”

  “What did he pray? What were his words? Do you remember?” Tammy leaned forward.

  Like she’d ever forget. “He shouted, ‘Oh God, save my angel.’”

  Tammy gasped and grabbed Olivia’s hands. “Olivia? Don’t you see? God did answer his prayer. He heard the cry of your daddy’s heart, and He answered.”

  Maybe. But He didn’t hear mine.

  “When can I come for a visit, Liv?”

  “I don’t know, Mom. It’s going to depend.” Olivia played with the spiral phone cord in one of the semiprivate conference rooms the girls used when calling home.

  “Depend on what?” Mom’s exasperation came loud and clear through the phone lines.

  “On a lot of things. I really don’t know when they’ll move me to the level of the program where I’m allowed visitors.”

  “But I’m your mother. Enough’s enough. I’ve put up with these restrictions far too long, actually. What kind of mother lets someone else keep her from her daughter?”

  That—from the Mother of the Year. Olivia leaned against the wall and gripped the phone. Please don’t make this harder than it has to be. “I know it’s hard, Mom. We’ve been over this before. There are steps I have to take, progress I have to make, before they’ll let me have the distraction of visitors.” Especially when the visitor had been the cause of many of her problems. “It’s the way the program works. It’s what I signed up for. What we signed up for.”

  “But you’ve been there for four months. What’s the holdup?”

  “It’s not about the length of time, Mom.”

  “Have you gotten into trouble? Why haven’t they told me about it?”

  “No. No. Nothing like that. I don’t know why this is so hard for me and not for others. I just … I just can’t seem to figure things out, to let go like the other girls have.” Not for lack of trying.

  “What do they want from you? I mean, what would prove that you’d made it?”

  “I’m not sure. I think it’s more about what I feel than it is about what they observe. As long as I’m honest about my confusion, they’ll keep trying to help me through it.” Did Mom want her to lie to them and fake a religious epiphany?

  Silence.

  “How’s Jake?”

  “Don’t try to change the subject, Olivia.”

  Like Mom wouldn’t if she were under scrutiny? Like she did every day of her life. “I’m not, Mom. I want to know how my brother is before I have to go. I wish we could just have nice conversation instead of it always being a battle.”

  “You’re right. That’s what I want, too.” Mom sighed. “Jake’s doing great. His grades are up. He’s made lots of friends. His basketball season is almost over, and they’re in the play-offs. He’s pretty stoked.”

  Stoked? “That’s wonderful. Would you tell him … tell him I miss him.”

  “If you want to come home, Liv, all you have to do is say the word.”

  Olivia bit her lip and looked up at the ceiling. “I believe in what I’m doing here, Mom. I wish you would, too.”

  Mom heaved a heavy sigh. “What do you want me to do?”

  “Just support me.” Love me.

  Olivia perched on a stool on one side of Justin, and Tricia sat on a chair on the other as he stepped up to the microphone. How could his hands not be shaking? The sight of hundreds of people sitting silently, staring wide-eyed at them, waiting to be entertained, almost made Olivia crumple to the floor. She trembled so much she thought she might fall off her stool. It was different than being just one member of a large orchestra. This time the spotlight was on her. It took all of her focus not to turn her eyes on Kira. Olivia could only imagine the rage on that girl’s face when she saw the trio on the stage.

  Olivia lifted her hands in feigned confidence, prepared to sign when the words started.

  Justin stepped closer to the microphone, raised his face, and began to sing softly as Olivia signed the words and Tricia let the delicate tinkling notes flow from her flute.

  When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

  When sorrows like sea billows roll;

  Olivia closed her eyes and let her arms fall into a peaceful rhythm to accompany the beautiful music coming from Justin’s lips.

  Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

  It is well
, it is well with my soul.

  As the last note of the first chorus faded, Olivia reached for the oboe that hung by a strap around her neck. She pointed the bell at the microphone while Justin prepared to sign the verse they had chosen to be next, just as she’d taught him. He finally looked a little nervous.

  My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!

  My sin, not in part but the whole,

  Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

  Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

  Olivia played those notes on her oboe as if they came from her soul. The words flashed on three screens—two behind her on either side of the stage and one on the back wall of the auditorium—but the emotion best came through in the sign language and the contrast of the somber oboe and hopeful flute.

  The third verse reversed back to Justin singing, Olivia signing, and Tricia playing the flute. Then, for the final verse, they crescendoed and Justin sang and signed while both girls played their instruments.

  And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,

  The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

  The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

  Even so, it is well with my soul.

  As the song ended, the trio walked off the stage to the coveted sound of no applause. Reverent silence. After his last performance, Justin had explained to her that clapping was great, but no applause was even better. It meant the congregation was so moved they wanted to sit quietly and contemplate what they’d heard. To have their own private moment of worship as the notes faded away.

  That was all Olivia wanted to do, too. She’d have loved to just crumple onto the couch that sat backstage for guests who were waiting to be called out. But she had to join the group in the auditorium or someone would come looking for her. “Justin, I’ll be right out. I need to use the restroom.”

  He opened the door to the sanctuary. “I’ll save you a seat.”

  Olivia hurried to the bathroom and splashed some cool water onto her face. She startled as a toilet flushed behind her. A door banged open with force that shook the walls.